it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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