I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
