I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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