The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
