smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
