she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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