Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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