a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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