i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
