apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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