Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
