Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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