He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
