she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
