just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
