I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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