Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
