Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
