I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
