he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
