Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
