Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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