So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
