So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
