I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
