apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
