so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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