Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
