I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
