i just sent this text using only my big toe
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
