hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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