I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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