So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
