apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
