girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Enjoy the penises
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
