hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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