went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
