Jerry, you need to find god
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
