remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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