you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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