i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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