wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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