Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm lost and stupid without you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your penis caused this!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
