She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
