U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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