I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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