great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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