I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You dont lie about slip and slides
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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