I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
