He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
