You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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