thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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