she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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