where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
