i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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