You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
