thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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