Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yo dont text me then not text me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
