just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
