i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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