Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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