Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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