that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
