By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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