Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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