I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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